Women Dating After Divorce - Men's Profiles

Tips for Reading Bios on Match.com and Other Online Dating Sites

Dec 28, 2009
Christina Gregoire

Read a Man's Profile - godahell

Older women who are dating after a divorce should learn to read men's online profiles. Sometimes there are red flags on Match.com and other online dating sites.

Many divorced women, who decide to start dating again, go on Match.com or other online dating sites. When reading a man's profile, try these tips.

Match.com

There are other great sites for online dating, but Match.com is used in this example.

When a woman reads a man’s profile on Match.com, or similar sites, she should look for words and phrases that may give insights into that man’s personality. Although, no woman can know very much about a man from his dating-site image, it is true that some answers can say a lot about a person, and divorced women do not need another loser.

The following tips are specifically geared towards baby boomer women and older gals.

His Profile

There is no way to know a man unless one meets him face to face, so the following tips are generalizations. For example, many men write, “I love to just hang out.” This often means that the guy is too broke to go out on dates; however, sometimes this phrase indicates shyness.

A woman must go by her own instincts and "gut feelings", but she may want to consider the following tips when deciding whether to meet a man in person.

Basics:

“Basics” is the first section of a Match.com profile. Most of these answers are straightforward; however, a woman should note a man’s answers to the following questions.

Relationship Status

One of the first questions has to do with relationship status. For older men, the best answers are:

Divorced
Widower

The other possible answers are "Never Married" and "Currently Separated".

A 50-year-old man who has never been married may have commitment problems. A widower is sometimes a better catch than a divorced man because a divorced man has given half his assets to his ex-wife.

If the answer is “Currently Separated”, this is a huge red flag. The man may have good reasons for being separated and not divorced, however there are too many problems associated with this answer. No one, of any age, should seriously date a man who is “Currently Separated”.

Age

Be on the lookout for odd answers like these, which can be red flags:

A 54 y/o man seeking a woman who is 18-35 years old.
A 35 y/o man seeking a woman who is 30-55.

A man who is older and seeking a much younger woman is either new to dating or doesn't understand the realities of dating in this day and age. A man seeking an extremely wide range of ages may be desperate.

Have Kids

One section is called "Have Kids", where a man tells if he has kids. Here are some answers that might be flags.

“No.” This answer is not always a problem. However, if a man has no children, he might have problems relating to anyone's kids.
“Yes, and they live at home.” Depending upon the situation, this may be fine. However, some men are looking for a woman to be a nanny to his children.

Last Read

The answers a man gives concerning favorite books and magazines are usually a great indicator of his personality. If a book is unfamiliar, search Amazon.com and read reviews to learn more. A gal can usually tell if the man is a thrill seeker, an intellectual, or a stay-at-home type from his answers.

My Job

Usually, a gal should take a man's answer to "My Job" at face value; however, here are two possible flags.

If the man says that he is starting up a new business or a new venture, consider the possibility that he has recently lost his job.
If a man has had many occupations, it is possible that he cannot keep a job.

When a man answers that he is "retired", this can be good or bad. A retired man has less money and will be hanging around the house most of the time. On the other hand, a man with a full bank account will be able to grab a cheap last minute cruise deal for two.

Income

If a man gives no answer about his income, that is not necessarily a problem. It is so easy for a guy to lie about his income that it is hardly worth a look.

The only way for a woman to get to know a man is to meet him in person at a safe and public place like Starbucks. It is very easy for anyone to lie on a dating profile. On the other hand, most of the men are basically honest and many women have met great husbands online.

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Tina in the South of France, photo Raymond Gregoire

Christina Gregoire - Christina Gregoire writes about divorce, fashion, and baby boomers. Her forte is explaining complex ideas in simple language.

Comments

Apr 21, 2011 3:47 PM

Guest :

I think this article reveals the biggest problems that nice, hard working, honest guys like me face in re-entering the dating scene. I am currently separated because my wife cheated on me three times. I haven't filed for divorce yet because I provide her health insurance, she has a serious medical condition, she is the mother of my daughter, and if I divorce her my employer will cancel her insurance. So, because I'm being nice to keep the mother of my daughter alive, I will be perceived as someone who should not be dated??? Finally, why is there so much emphasis on the man's income? I thought we lived in a liberated society where women could stand on their own two feet? But much of the article focuses on a man's financial status. What's with that? Are women just gold diggers? I don't have alot of money, but I'm honest, hard working, and don't ask for anything from anyone. So why is there an expectation, in this day and age, that I need to have money to be date worthy? Seems to me that women these days want it both ways. They want to be liberated and able to work and make as much as a man, but they also want a man who is financially secure and able to support them. Am I the only one who sees this as WRONG???

Apr 23, 2011 11:09 AM

Christina Gregoire :

I'm sure that there are many women who are financially secure and they would date you. A lot of it depends upon your age group. Younger women may be looking for a husband or partner with which to have children. In that situation, most women would hope to have a husband who could contribute enough money so they could stay home with their children.

Of course, this does not mean that all women want that. There are many variables. You sound like a nice guy who has stayed married for a good reason. However, I hope that there is another way to get out of this situation. Maybe your wife can find another way to get insurance through the state. Maybe you should consider custody. You need to talk to a lawyer about this.

Unfortunately, money does enter into the dating scene. I don't make the rules. I don't think it's fair. It's just the way of the world. If you have a good personality, nice looks, etc. you can overcome the lack of money. So, hit the gym.

Also, the dating scene is different in various areas of the US. Dating in Los Angeles is easier for men because there is an abundance of beautiful women who wanted to become stars and ended up as waitresses, real estate agents, etc. LA women, who are pretty are also more shallow. (Sorry, I write in generalizations. There are exceptions.) However, in Seattle, there seems to be more datable men than women. So, women can pick and choose more.

So, Guest, you may be in an area where money is not such a big factor. But, let me ask you, "Would you be just as happy with a fat, ugly woman as with a young, pretty woman?" This is the reverse side of my asking a woman, "Would you be just as happy with a man who spends all of his money on child support as with a guy who can take you to Paris or Hawaii every year?"

Life is what it is. I hope it works out well. And, in my article, I'm just telling women how to read a bio. There are gigolos out there who will marry a woman and clean out her bank account. Once you are out of high school or college, the dating game changes.

Apr 23, 2011 11:32 AM

Christina Gregoire :

PS

Guest, I almost never tell anyone to lie on their dating profile. However, when a man or woman enters his/her search criteria on a dating site, they may weed out nice people by accident. Some women would see your status as "separated, not divorced" and not read any further. In your case, I would suggest putting down "divorced" even though you are separated, just so the women will get to your profile and read your profile.

HOWEVER, you must disclose in your written bio that you are not divorced and explain the situation about the insurance. Then, the women can decide for themselves if you are a nice guy or you are still in love with your wife. This way, you might show up in more searches.

I want you to know that this is just a suggestion for you to consider and I don't know you or the specifics of your life. I'm not sure if clicking the answer "divorced" is better than clicking the answer "separated" when creating your dating profile. There is no perfect answer for all situations.

Use common sense to make your own decision. You should never rely on online advice (from any one person) without searching for alternate points of view. That way you can consider more options.

I still stand by my opinion that money is a factor when dating. You are the same, but on the other side. Money is a factor for you. You don't want a woman who wants your money. It is a fact of life. And, yes...some women DO want it both ways. Not all women want it both ways. Look for those women.

3 Comments