There is a bill (HB438) being discussed in Montana that would require parents to undergo 10 hours of marriage counseling before a divorce would be granted. While everyone would love to see a drop in America’s divorce rate, this bill is rather controversial. Here are some of the pros and cons of this issue.
Pros for Mandatory Divorce Counseling
The proposed Montana law would only apply to couples with children under the age of 18 and there are good reasons to be concerned about the effect of divorce on kids.
According to John Leo in his article, “The Sleeper Effect – The Price Children Pay for Divorce” (Newsweek, October 2000), from the perspective of a child, “A good divorce may be much worse than a bad marriage.” While there are exceptions to every generality or statistic, kids are usually affected in a negative way when their parents split up. Children of divorce:
- are more depressed
- are more aggressive toward parents and teachers
- are more likely to develop emotional disorders
- have sex at a younger age and girls are more likely to become single mothers
- are less likely to marry and more likely than other married couples to get divorced
The proposed law is trying to slow down the divorce process so that more couples will stay married and will raise their children in intact homes. The proposed HB438 bill does not require divorce counseling if either party claims to be a victim of physical abuse. Thus, people in dangerous situations would be exempt.
Effects of Divorce on Men and Women
Divorce is often harmful to adults, as well. Even when couples are living in an emotional hell, there are bad consequences associated with divorce, and getting a divorce seldom leads to a better life. Generally, the financial worth of each divorcing person is cut in half. In addition, two people will be trying to maintain two households on the same amount of money that was used to maintain one household.
Divorced adults are usually more at risk for health problems. According to “The Effects of Divorce” by Amy Desai, JD:
- Life expectancies for divorced people are lower.
- Health consequences that stem from divorce are almost as bad as staying married and smoking a pack of cigarettes daily.
- Cancer patients are more likely to recover if they are married.
- Mental health (especially with divorced women) declines after divorce.
One study showed that couples who were unhappily married, but stayed married for five more years, were more likely to be happy than divorced couples, after the same time period.
Cons: Reasons Against the Mandatory Counseling Law
People who oppose HB438 say that this “government mandate” is burdensome to poor people (usually women) who can’t afford counseling and who might be trying to get out of an abusive marriage.
According to the article, Bill Would Require Couples With Minor Children to Get Counseling Before Divorce Granted at billingsgazette.com, Ed Higgins of Montana Legal Services says that, “Those living at or below poverty simply cannot afford to pay for counseling…For someone who is not a lawyer, this adds more confusion to the legal procedure.” The problem with this argument is that there actually are places to get free (or sliding-scale payment) counseling.
One woman who testified said that when a woman is trapped in an abusive marriage, she “often has trouble coming up with the money for a divorce.” And, this same speaker, also, said that it would be better if the state insisted upon premarital counseling rather than divorce counseling.
My Opinion
I have mixed feelings about this proposed bill. On one hand, we don’t need more government micromanagement in our lives. However, after seeing how much my divorce damaged my children’s self-esteem, I believe that anything which slows down the divorce process may be a good thing. As long as there are exceptions for cases of child or spousal abuse, I’m in favor of this law.
Christina Gregoire - Christina Gregoire writes about divorce, fashion, and baby boomers. Her forte is explaining complex ideas in simple language.
Join the Conversation