Divorce Ceremony: The New Rage in Japan

Jul 5, 2011
Christina Gregoire

Dealing with Divorce - GoRoush

Divorce is becoming more common in Japan. Like everything else in that culture, there is a ritualized ceremony. But, this rite is new.

The Japanese people have symbolic rituals for everything. Their Japanese tea ceremony is a form of performance art, involving precisely ordered steps and prescribed motions, which must be followed by both hosts and guests. In Japanese weddings, the sake ceremony takes the place of spoken vows, as the groom, then the bride, each take three sips of sake from three different sake cups. And, for Japanese birth ceremonies, mothers take their newborns into Shinto shrines, on a regionally specific day, to introduce their babies to the local god for protection.

Is it any wonder that Japanese couples are now forging a new ceremony that is designed to help their friends and families adapt to the social and emotional changes created by the legal ritual of divorce?

Japanese Divorce Ceremony

The newly-invented divorce ceremony probably should not be compared to the intricate, ancient, and revered Japanese ceremonies used for commemorating more traditional life-changing events. On the other hand, this new Japanese divorce ceremony is a great example of how to handle a difficult situation with dignity.

Created by Hiroki Terai

The formalized Japanese divorce ceremony is the brainchild of Hiroki Terai, a former salesman, who has set up a small “divorce mansion” in Tokyo for his end-of-marriage ceremonies. In the article, “Japanese Couples Say ‘I Do’ – In Divorce Ceremonies,” at reuters.com, Terai explains, “I started this ceremony...thinking that there should be a positive way to end a marriage and move on by making a vow to restart (a couple’s) lives in front of loved ones.”

The divorce ceremony is an occasion for friends and family to gather, before the actual filing, in order to witness the public demise of a relationship. Many divorce ceremonies are delivered with the same pomp and propriety as a wedding, which helps to give formal closure and emotional closure to these depleted marriages. And, in a country where divorce is still somewhat taboo, these ceremonies formalize the divorce in a public way, making the separation more socially acceptable for friends and family.

Steps in Terai’s Divorce Ritual

Hiroki Terai has come up with an eloquent ritual for his divorce ceremonies.

The husband and wife enter separate rickshaws for a quiet and solemn ride to Terai’s “divorce mansion.”
Friends and relatives, who serve as witnesses, follow behind the rickshaws on foot.
The rickshaws end up at the “divorce mansion,” which is just a storefront with the words “refresh” and “divorce.”

Terai officiates the ritual. He thanks the witnesses for coming, explains how the couple has grown apart, and acknowledges that it is time for the husband and wife to say farewell. Then, the couple continues to act out the end of the marriage.

While jointly holding a hammer, the husband and wife pound the wife's wedding ring until it is beyond repair.
There is a divorce reception after the ring-smashing ceremony, where the couple sits back-to-back at separate tables.
After the large feast or small meal, the couple thanks their friends for coming and says farewell to each other.
Each spouse bows toward the other and walks off to begin his or her separate life.

Your Own Divorce Ceremony

Here are more ideas from Japan that you can adapt for your own formal divorce ceremony.

Couples drink toasts to never seeing each other again.
Women may wear white and may dress as elegantly or as casually as they desire. One woman wore a dress specifically designed so that the back was the best part. That way she looked the most beautiful when she turned around and walked away.
Some couples have a divorce cake. Do ensure that the bride and groom atop the cake can be cut apart for visual effect.
Give chopsticks to your guests as favors because inexpensive chopsticks represent something that is easily torn apart.

Remember that it is a sad day when a marriage ends, but it is no joke to acknowledge that you need your friends nearby to help you through that difficult time. A solemn divorce ceremony can be a public and positive start for your new life.