Most Americans have been so bewildered by the high number of marriages that turn into divorces that they haven't peeked into the real American epidemic, the huge numbers of unmarried, cohabitating couples who have been popping out kids without the traditional bindings of marriage. Well, the National Catholic Reporter has published their take in the article, "Study: Cohabitation More Harmful than Divorce."
Yes, the Catholic Reporter probably has an agenda and is about as objective as a Federal Government Agency looking for funding. Well, sneer if you want, but I think the National Catholic Reporter is right on. The Reporter article explains that kids from divorced families are generally screwed, as if we haven't already heard that over and over; but the Catholic Reporter also tells us that kids from cohabitating families are even worse off than children who have been rattled by divorce.
From the National Catholic Reporter
Even though the divorce rate has plummeted, our nation’s children are still at risk because more than 40 percent of our kids will live in cohabitating households at some point in their young lives.
The Catholic Reporter quotes a study from The Center for American Families (University of Virginia):
“As marriage becomes less connected to childbearing, children are more likely to be exposed to a relational merry-go-round with adults coming in and out of their lives. Now, approximately 24 percent of the nation’s children are born to cohabiting couples, which means that more children are currently born to cohabiting couples than to single mothers.”
Children born to live-together parents are much more likely to have their parents split up than are children born to married parents. So, here are the main “talking points”:
- Cohabiting families are less stable.
- Children in cohabiting households are three times more likely to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused than children in typical “Beaver Cleaver” households, made up of bio moms married to bio dads. (Stats from Federal Government.)
- Kids from cohabiting households are more likely to become delinquents, drug abusers, sexually exploited children, and/or high-school dropouts.
Why is This Happening?
The increase in unwed motherhood started in the mid-sixties when President Lyndon Baines Johnson declared the “War on Poverty” and made it so that more Federal Entitlements went to unmarried mothers and their children. Actually, no one is really sure that unwed motherhood increased in the mid-sixties because, before then, unwed mothers were hidden away for nine months and their babies were adopted into “good” homes in a hush-hush manner. However, we do know that unwed motherhood became normalized during the sixties, and unwed motherhood was made “cool and hip” in the following decades by wealthy Hollyweird types who could afford an English nanny for each of their “illegitimate” children.
Unfortunately, young poverty-stricken women are easily swayed by celebrities and pop stars. And, this underclass is more likely to fall into the trap and have babies out of wedlock.
The Rich and Smart Get Married
According to Sheila Garcia, of the Catholic Church’s Secretariat for Laity, Marriage, Family Life, and Youth, “(P)eople who are better educated and wealthier are more likely to marry…” before having children. Ms Garcia considers marriage to be a “wealth-building institution.” She believes that the working class and the underclass don’t understand how the benefits of marriage apply to them. Garcia continues to say that the poor and the minority classes do not see the relationship between marriage, family stability, and wealth, but they should.
Beyond Pop Culture: The Revolt
I believe that many young mothers cohabitate because they were raised in divorced families and don’t want to follow in their mothers’ footsteps. I believe that many young fathers avoid marriage because they fear the financial damage that their divorced fathers warned them about.
And, above all, I believe that Hollywood and Pop Culture have as much culpability as the Federal Government’s mismanaged largesse.
Hollywood needs to set a higher standard for our next generations. Enough already! I’ve lived through the “women’s lib” divorce epidemic. I’ve lived through the deification of airhead celebrities. If you are reading this right now and you are in a position to change the tide, listen to those bubblegum songs of the sixties and hear their quaint-but-important messages:
- Goin’ to the Chapel and We’re Gonna Get Married (Chapel of Love by the Dixie Cups)
- “Cherish” by the Association
- “Hey Paula” by Paul and Paula
- “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by the Beach Boys
Or bring back rocking songs like:
- “Can’t Help Falling” in Love by Elvis
- “White Wedding” by Billy Idol
Take a Stand Against Anti-Marriage
You single mothers who teach high school kids: You have a chance to buck the trend and encourage marriage.
You Girl Scout Leaders: You have a chance to encourage young girls to discover love and marriage before having children.
You Hollywood types: You should talk less about divorce and raising children while single or Brangelina-ed, and talk more about happy, long-term marriages among celebrities. It will take more work but you will be doing a mitzvah (good deed).
You single parents: Be real with your kids and tell them that marriage is still the best way to go. Ask your children to learn from your mistakes.
And, if you don’t believe in marriage, email me or shut your mouth. I’m no saint. I’m divorced. But, that’s why I know that staying married for the sake of the children is usually the right thing to do. And, those of you who have had children while cohabitating: Marry your sweetie to protect your children financially and emotionally.
Source:
Pattison, Mark. Study: Cohabitation More Harmful Than Divorce National Catholic Reporter Online.
Christina Gregoire - Christina Gregoire writes about divorce, fashion, and baby boomers. Her forte is explaining complex ideas in simple language.
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