Being Fat Ended My Marriage, Says a Too Fat Wife

I think this is an example of blaming others for one's own issues using Dr. Phil psychology. When I met my wife, she was plump, but kept her weight in check. After getting married, that self-control seemed to melt away and the pounds piled on. I love my wife as much as ever, but she loves to eat and once the pressure to stay thin was removed, she gave in to her desires. For the first 2-3 years she took notice of her weight gain and would go on half-hearted diets that fizzled in a few days; she joined an exercise club but went only 3 times. In the end, she just gave up and gave in to her appetite, swelling from 150 pounds to over 250 over the 8 years we have been together. The problem is an addiction to food and removal of the motivation to resist that desire.

After struggling with it for months, I finally told my wife that her weight gain was bothering me. That was three years and about 30 added pounds ago. Then I told her it was affecting our sex life; our lovemaking had dropped to 3-4 a month. So she went on an exercise and diet program at the start of the year - and has not lost any weight that i can see. I am frustrated and turned-off. I am shocked that she isn't making this a priority. She is threatening our marriage for junk food?!

I am 5 pounds more than I was when I met my husband. He is not attracted to me and we rarely have sex. He even criticizes my weight in the bedroom. I am a size 6/8 jeans and NOT medically overweight. I've got a tummy that I could stand to lose.

I don't know what to do. Losing weight when you are my size is a tough task (I already exercise 5-6 times per week and restrict calories to 1300 per day) and I'm a bit resentful so I almost want to 'stick it to him' and not lose weight.

I honestly think this may end my marriage, and I'm just devastated. I deserve a man who loves the whole me.

Tons of women and men create this artificial persona and personality which mysteriously evaporates after they "win" marriage. Sometimes men are attracted to women who place an emphasis on fitness, especially men who themselves work hard at being fit. There is absolutely no reason for a pregnant woman to be unhealthy and obese - and exercise and a proper diet can ensure a healthier child and a healthier person.

One of the elephants in the living room is that an unhealthy diet and lifestyle often leads to severe personality changes - I've experienced this myself since I've struggled with weight issues all my life. I've broken up with women and men because I felt their unhealthy habits were affecting my own. Why should obesity be any different? And why should it be "acceptable" to any person to have an unhealthy partner?

Tons of women and men create this artificial persona and personality which mysteriously evaporates after they "win" marriage. Sometimes men are attracted to women who place an emphasis on fitness, especially men who themselves work hard at being fit. There is absolutely no reason for a pregnant woman to be unhealthy and obese - and exercise and a proper diet can ensure a healthier child and a healthier person.

One of the elephants in the living room is that an unhealthy diet and lifestyle often leads to severe personality changes - I've experienced this myself since I've struggled with weight issues all my life. I've broken up with women and men because I felt their unhealthy habits were affecting my own. Why should obesity be any different? And why should it be "acceptable" to any person to have an unhealthy partner?

This "research"--seeking to show women victims in these situations--is merely an interpretation of a fact. Here's another interpretation (one that gels with my experience based on what my wife has told me)--Women get fat in marriage so that they themselves can become emotionally unavailable and/or out of fear of having more children due to sex. Overweight women need to address their problem the same way that an alcoholic does. They have an addiction (to food, to not moving, to TV) that might stem from deeper emotional problems. Ladies, stop blaming men. It's simple biology. If you want your husband to be emotionally available, you need to be physically available. Stop hiding behind your fat.

Women make themselves attractive so that they can trap a man into marriage. Once the man has been bound, there is no point in maintaining the facade. The pounds pile on and Pizza the Hut jumps out of the skinny suit to suffocate you in cellulose.

When your wife is fat, don't dodge the issue.
Don't tell her you're concerned about her health or that you want her to feel better about her own looks.
Tell her "Hey fatty cakes, what's with all the fat?"

When a woman puts on this much weight after marriage, it's a betrayal -- the same as if she were cheating on you. Treat it as such.

Some men put on more fat than women after marriage. This is not a one way street, sweetie.

hogwash. So the whole point is that it was her husband's fault that she got fat. Puleez.
so what is the solution for us people married to spouses stop caring for their own bodies?
I have been working hard to make her feel accepted and always find something positive to say about her, but there are times when it turns my stomach to look at her because it simply sickens me.
And it's not affecting just the looks but a lot of things: I can't walk at a normal pace because she can't keep up even with my slowest pace. We can never enjoy stuff like hiking, camping, exercising as a family because "mom" freaks out if she has to walk more than a hundred yards, and if we do go, she makes sure everybody is super miserable. The only place she is happy is on the couch in front of the TV with a can of pop and a big hunk of cake with icecream on top. People like that are incredibly selfish.

to the lady that says she weighs 5 pounds more than when she married. That is not significant weight gain. I would say in your case the problem is with your husband. here we're talking about people whose spouses gain huge amounts of weight, in some cases even doubling their weight. In my case going from 140 to 250 and more. And somehow we're supposed to not make a big deal of it and just accept and learn to love all those rolls of fat. To some degree, I agree, we should be loving and understanding, but for your spouse to expect you learn to be attracted to that disgusting cellulite, sorry, they're out of touch with reality. People like us are labeled as "shallow" yet our fat spouses wouldn't have married us if we didn't make good money and weren't able to provide for them. I find that hypocritical. She sits at home getting fat, not going to work and has a huge problem if I lose my job, but I'm not supposed to have a problem with her not taking care of her own body. SICK!

Dear Guest,

I would never say that it was her husband's fault that the woman in the story got fat. She got fat because she got fat, but pregnancy seems to add a layer of fat to a woman's body for Darwinian reasons.

Your wife sounds seriously depressed or maybe something else. Get her to a doctor and see if there is something, like stomach stapling, that could be done to jump start her life. And, have him check her thyroid. Something is wrong. I do not profess to know what what could be done because I am not an MD (and, she may not be a candidate for a medical procedure).

Sitting in front of the TV all day is not a good sign. You have every right to be turned off by her weight but park 100 yards away from a doctor's office and find out what options are available. Also, if her doctor wants to put her on antidepressants, see if there is something that does not cause weight gain, because some do.

Just another thought. If your wife snores, she could have sleep apnea which will cause narcolepsy. It is a possibility that she stopped doing things because she was too tired from that. Narcolepsy can be treated with c-pap machines and other things. If she snores, or wakes up gasping for air, get her to a sleep-study clinic.

I must agree with the following article as a woman who has always been told that she has a really beautiful face,I just needed to change my body. I think most women are emotional eaters,and it doesn't matter her social status,race,or education,ecc because i believe the out of control hunger is connected to some out of control emotions. I'm American,but after moving to Europe,I lost a lot of weight(size 18 to size 9)but I've always had a healthy self-esteem even at my highest weight,so I was on top of the world after losing weight,until I met a man who I thought was the man of my life, However,he was more worried about the physical me than the emotional me,but thanks to him,I learned that I love you shouldn't mean I love you because you have a nice body and I'm sexually attracted to you for now. I believe as women we are taught from babies to be "nice and sweet."Therefore,we must love our male partners even at their worse,be it if he's overweight,hairy,a cheater ecc,while most men(not all) don't and refuse to accept certain aspects from their female partners. I believe that most men consider their female partners a symbol of their social status,basically an image of themselves. For example, if a man goes out in public,most men would prefer a physically attractive woman to represent him,and he may even hope that other men will envy him for his taste in women,even if he doesn't consciously notice it. I also noticed that it usually occures in insecure men,as often secure men with high self-esteems don't need other men's approvals to boost their self-esteems. Women are a usually a symbol of man's status in society,even if the times have changed a bit and it's not directly spoken or a woman can't be owned as in previous centuries.but It has been that way since the beginning of time. Back to my own story,I was told that he loved me like a "friend"and we needed to put our relationship "on hold" until I went from a size 10 to 5. I was emotionally devasted and began to eat with a self-esteem out of control..Yes,it was my responsibility for eating,but controlling difficult emotions is easier said than done. I gained weight, had horrible headaches and backaches.A few months later I did a mission with Doctors Without Boarders in Africa to give myelf some emotional space.I ate very little and began to run every evening to get super slim,so my dream man WOULD LOVE ME AGAIN. I lost all the weight and I being a doctor knew that I was even putting my own life at risk by slipping the underweight mark.However,I was so happy when he said we could start a relationship upon my return. Then,one day we went to a village,and i had to try to save children dying from the lack of food,while people in western society starve themselves to become a certain stantard of beauty. It changed me 100%,and when I returned home. We met up,and I was amazed how different I had become during our months apart. I guess his superficial personality didn't seem so brillant after watching people suffer just to survive. We talked some and when he made began to make plans for our lives,even future children, I told him NOOOO. I didn't want children with a man who could never love or accept me for what I am,and I realized that the only weight I needed to lose was him because life is too short to stay unhappy and insecure. My emotional self was in check and my self-esteem returned 100% and it gave me the courage to love me. I think women or men who are living in a toxic relationship are going to try and deal with their emotional unhappiness in one way or another.I never regained my weight,because I'm happy now. I make my own money,have my own houses,and I'm really friendly and intelligent,so what should I have to accept someone who is toxic or makes me doubt myself? If one person doesn't accept you, there is a world of billions of people to explore and maybe that special person is out there waiting for you to find them.I read some comment on women hiding behind their fat in marriage,ecc. No, I personally never blamed any man for my former weight problem,not even my ex as I was the one who ate my emotions. However, I can honestly say it's best to let go of toxic people who tear you down everyday. Guest, it seems that your husband is insecure and you don't seem overweight to me, but don't get back at him,love yourself first. Eat right and join a gym to feel good,not just to lose weight, and worry about you instead of his thoughts on what you should or shouldn't be.:-) Good Luck!!

Dear Doc,
Great post. You are an inspiration to all of us.

It seems to be saying that when a woman gains weight and she becomes less attractive to her husband, he is the one with the problem! When I was overweight, wife actually told me that I was no longer attractive to her. Now I have lost weight and she has gained weight. But if I tell her she needs to lose weight, she flies off the handle and says: "I know I'm fat; you don't need to go on about it!"

It seems to be saying that when a woman gains weight and she becomes less attractive to her husband, he is the one with the problem! When I was overweight, wife actually told me that I was no longer attractive to her. Now I have lost weight and she has gained weight. But if I tell her she needs to lose weight, she flies off the handle and says: "I know I'm fat; you don't need to go on about it!"

Well in my case my wife was already 40 lbs overweight when we got married 10 years ago. I loved her dearly then, and still love her now, but in 10 years she has ballooned to over 350 pounds...... pushing 400. She can not keep up with the kids, ride a bike, or do anything that involves anything more than a snail's pace walk. It has also affected her menstrual cycle to the point where she can no longer have sex. Even my daughter is embarrassed to be out in public with her. Because of her weight she has become very selfish and mean. I stay fit, ride bikes, and work out on a regular basis. I'm just not sure what to do but our marriage is miserable.

When I see a fat wife and an in-shape husband, I know their real spouses are in the restroom and should be returning soon.
You may see something like that for a little bit, but it won't last long.
16 years of marriage, 8 of them great, and 8 of them her stuffing her face and getting lazier and fatter. Disgusting.... screw the health talk and the emotional issues. A fat woman or man is disgusting, lazy, and unmotivated; drenched in sloth cheese.
If you are fat and your husband is not and he's engaged into life/your kids/hobbies and you're not, you're going to be a lonely fat woman soon. Lose weight, fatso, or lose your hubby.

I love fat women - I think they are cute as hell and sexy as hell, and many, many other men do, too---they are just afraid to say it. Witness how many websites cater to that body type -hundreds and hundreds.

I'm sorry that some men want a skinny wife forever. I want a woman who will fill my arms and my bed! :)

Well after reading this artcle i must be emotionally unavailable. My wife has put on quite a lot of weight in the last year. she no longer fits into most or clothes, and are sex life has take a nose dive, as she does not like herself, or her body. when i reassure her she says i am not being trueful, so i have about given up on reassuring as it gets me nowhere. I don't say what i really feel in terms about her weight as i know she won't take it onboard, i mean she eats too much and moves too little. I know if i say that she will say i am picking on her. It seems bizzare that you can feel down on yourself for being over weight and at the same time keep eating too much, and then still want me to be interested sexually when she beats herself up. I mean sexuallity is 90% confidence and how you hold yourself. I would like to give her confidence, but as the months go on we are becoming like good friends. which in life is no bad thing, but in a marriage not so.

BALDERDASH

You are going to have to bring in some critical thinking into this one if your purpose is to educate all of us out here on REALITY. There are people who gain weight because of medical problems with their thyroid (< 1.0%). ALL other cases of obesity result from overeating. This is based on the LAWS of thermodynamics & conservation of energy. We become fat by overeating & not doing enough exercise, period. Diet actually accounts for about 75%.

Now, overeating. What goes on here is a person begins to eat too much carbohydrates. This causes a blast in blood sugars which ups their serotonin levels in their brains. They "feel" better. The side-effect is that extra calories is stored as fat. NO ONE ELSE is responsible for how you "feel", that is within your own domain & thinking, not reality. In your argument, you blame someone else for what you yourself are doing.

"Jane spent years trying to change herself to win back his love". LOVE itself is an emotion based on (vector addition of) JOY & TRUST. So if you bring joy to your relationship, if your partner has trust in you.. they will in fact be in love.

What you did instead is become very needy & obese (by your own actions). Sexually you became unattractive, & likely also very manipulative trying to get back what you needed. Well, were you a JOY to be around. Did your partner TRUST you when exposed to constant manipulation. YOU killed the prerequisites for the response you were looking for & your partner became emotionally withdrawn. his is one of 3 possible responses to your action. The other two would be anger to your neediness & sloth, or simply walking away from you.

Jane relaxed when there was no one around to monitor her every bite. She lost weight. (Physical Laws: She stopped filling he face.)
When no one told Jane that she should exercise, she started exercising on her own.
(Medically: Her serotonin & endorphin levels increased.)

Jane BLAMED someone else for what she was doing herself. What is being noted: her partner becoming emotionally distant was caused by her own actions. If this same pattern re-emerges then Jane should have herself evaluated for BiPolar.. SSRI antidepressants & mood stabilization medications do not have the side-effect of excess calories stored as fat.

There is a book: Emotional Bullshit: The Hidden Plague that Is Threatening to Destroy Your Relationships-and How to Stop It (9781585426669): Ph. D., Carl Alasko

Which should be a must read for many psychologists. The toxic trio of denial (of reality or physical laws) followed by delusion (your analysis of the dynamic) & blame (or refusal to take ownership of what you are doing) is at play here.

"Being fat ended my marriage" NO. You entered into a cycle which:

A) Made you fat in trying to feel better.

B) Alienated your partner further because of your own emotional neediness.

You ended your own marriage by your own unrealistic needs of external relationships. It is yours alone to own, without blaming anyone else at all!

Dear Guest,

My marriage did not end because I am too fat. That is just an explanation of what happened to one woman and my (basically objective) evaluation of what happened. However, when a woman stays home to take care of her child or children, it is very common for the woman to gain some weight. And, biologically, that may not be such a bad thing, as throughout history women needed to have enough nutrients to nurse. It was once a survival mechanism.

I'm not saying that a woman should gain 50 pounds, but our society gets a little out of control when it comes to weight issues. However, I think I would like that book you suggested. As someone who comes from a family with several MDs, I must say that many psychiatrists are totally unable to recognise BS when they hear it. All shrinks need to read something to help with that.

So she went from her dating weight to her married weight, then back to her dating weight. Nothing new here....for either gender.

Sorry to sound negative, but it seems like there is a high correlation between marriage and letting oneself go.

To men complaining about their wives' weight, I am telling you now that critising and harrassing her will achieve NOTHING but making the problem worse. Yes, I know unconditional love is difficult, but that is what marriage is about. If you can't achieve that, then leave and save yourselves years of misery. If you do want to stay, show some compassion and support - she probably knows how you feel and hates what is happening but feels to depressed to change. Being kind to her (and I'm not talking about buying exercise equipment- that is for you) will bring about far better results than hurting her feelings when she is vulnerable. Yes, overeating is her problem, but your reaction is YOURS and it is under your control. Talk to a counsellor, and try and find a solution which is constructive for both of you.

Some women will say you are selfish for wanting a physically attractive wife or girlfriend. They claim that there are plenty of men out there who don't care about weight and will love them no matter what. It may be true for some, but human nature doesn't work that way. EVERY MAN cares about how their woman looks. Period. Anything else is a lie. If you expect this kind of Oprah/Dr Phil garbage about the unimportance of physical attraction, it's selfish and unrealistic. If your man is no longer attracted to you because you gained weight and stopped "trying" then who the heck is to blame? He is NOT selfish or emotionally unavailable or a bad person --- if you gain weight and become ugly to him, no matter how much he loves you, the physical attraction is a BIG part. Without it, a relationship cannot survive. Simple as that. Same goes for the man. If he turned gross, don't be surprised if your woman doesn't look at you the same.

If I dye my hair pink and get a tattoo on my face, my woman wouldn't look at me the same..no matter how much love there was, we all have EYES and they don't lie. If I quit my job and played video games all day, and became a scrub, she would likely lose attraction for me. I can whine and complain that she's being selfish because this is "who I am" but the truth is lady, being FAT did NOT end your marriage --- your lack of trying to look good for your husband killed your marriage.

Any for those who say societys definition of beauty is unrealistic...that's garbage too. Even if a man have never ever picked up a Victorias Secret catalog his whole life, he can still tell an attractive fit woman from a fat slobby woman...society has nothing to do with it. If society told us fat woman were pretty all day long, it wouldn't work, because it goes against our own human nature. Men find fit woman attractive. A tiny fraction of men like big women, but that's the exception. The truth is men are visual. Women are not as visual as men, so in their eyes, physical beauty "shouldn't" matter..but as a man, I am telling you IT MATTERS. If your husband beats you, you'll hate him. If your wife cheats on your you won't trust her. If you gain weight and become less attractive, your husband WILL look at you differently.

Stop making excuses. It's unfair for a man's wife to get fat while he has no choice but to stick around. No matter how much love there is, there is a HOLE in him that's not being filled, because EVERY man wants to be attracted to his wife or girlfriend physically. They WANT to be able to say "my woman is HOT" but once you lose that, you lose 50% of the relationship right there.

An unemployed man is not attractive. A whiny complaining man is not attractive. Being stick skinny and 75 pounds is not attractive. Losing all your teeth and hair is not attractive. Gaining weight is not attractive. Get it through your head and stop blaming him. Your actions have a REACTION.

Some women will say you are selfish for wanting a physically attractive wife or girlfriend. They claim that there are plenty of men out there who don't care about weight and will love them no matter what. It may be true for some, but human nature doesn't work that way. EVERY MAN cares about how their woman looks. Period. Anything else is a lie. If you expect this kind of Oprah/Dr Phil garbage about the unimportance of physical attraction, it's selfish and unrealistic. If your man is no longer attracted to you because you gained weight and stopped "trying" then who the heck is to blame? He is NOT selfish or emotionally unavailable or a bad person --- if you gain weight and become ugly to him, no matter how much he loves you, the physical attraction is a BIG part. Without it, a relationship cannot survive. Simple as that. Same goes for the man. If he turned gross, don't be surprised if your woman doesn't look at you the same.

If I dye my hair pink and get a tattoo on my face, my woman wouldn't look at me the same..no matter how much love there was, we all have EYES and they don't lie. If I quit my job and played video games all day, and became a scrub, she would likely lose attraction for me. I can whine and complain that she's being selfish because this is "who I am" but the truth is lady, being FAT did NOT end your marriage --- your lack of trying to look good for your husband killed your marriage.

Any for those who say societys definition of beauty is unrealistic...that's garbage too. Even if a man have never ever picked up a Victorias Secret catalog his whole life, he can still tell an attractive fit woman from a fat slobby woman...society has nothing to do with it. If society told us fat woman were pretty all day long, it wouldn't work, because it goes against our own human nature. Men find fit woman attractive. A tiny fraction of men like big women, but that's the exception. The truth is men are visual. Women are not as visual as men, so in their eyes, physical beauty "shouldn't" matter..but as a man, I am telling you IT MATTERS. If your husband beats you, you'll hate him. If your wife cheats on your you won't trust her. If you gain weight and become less attractive, your husband WILL look at you differently.

Stop making excuses. It's unfair for a man's wife to get fat while he has no choice but to stick around. No matter how much love there is, there is a HOLE in him that's not being filled, because EVERY man wants to be attracted to his wife or girlfriend physically. They WANT to be able to say "my woman is HOT" but once you lose that, you lose 50% of the relationship right there.

An unemployed man is not attractive. A whiny complaining man is not attractive. Being stick skinny and 75 pounds is not attractive. Losing all your teeth and hair is not attractive. Gaining weight is not attractive. Get it through your head and stop blaming him. Your actions have a REACTION.

Dear Guest Who Wants a Physically Attractive Wife:

You have valid points, but I disagree that society doesn't affect what a man thinks is pretty or attractive or hot. In general, it is genetically predisposed that men are attracted to younger women who are healthy. While, a woman in her childbearing years shouldn't weigh 350 pounds, it is not unhealthy for many women to weigh more than the women who are airbrushed in catalogs and liposuctioned for tv.

If your wife got fat and you have children you should be enticing your wife to go for walks with you. Take her someplace where you can ride bikes on a flat pathway. If you have kids, you should suck it up and work with what you have. Sometimes life is crappy but you have to do what's right for your kids.

I used to be like you and I thought that fat people were dolts. Then, I had to take steroids and it made me gain 30 pounds, but it saved my eyesight. I have done all the usual things but I cannot get back to a decent weight, and now I have more understanding for fat people. It sucks being fat...and there is probably something I could do to lose the weight but it's not easy because my set point (normal weight) has changed and I'm 58 freaking years old.

If you want your wife to love you when you are 58 years old you should do whatever you can to help her get moving. It is normal for women to gain weight after having kids. It's genetically predispositioned so that she will be able to take care of her children. If God or Mother Nature hadn't made these things happen, the human species wouldn't exist. Go have sex with yourself if you are not attracted to your wife. If you have no children, maybe you should ask yourself if this is the right person for you.

Dear Guest Who Wants a Physically Attractive Wife:

You have valid points, but I disagree that society doesn't affect what a man thinks is pretty or attractive or hot. In general, it is genetically predisposed that men are attracted to younger women who are healthy. While, a woman in her childbearing years shouldn't weigh 350 pounds, it is not unhealthy for many women to weigh more than the women who are airbrushed in catalogs and liposuctioned for tv.

If your wife got fat and you have children you should be enticing your wife to go for walks with you. Take her someplace where you can ride bikes on a flat pathway. If you have kids, you should suck it up and work with what you have. Sometimes life is crappy but you have to do what's right for your kids.

I used to be like you and I thought that fat people were dolts. Then, I had to take steroids and it made me gain 30 pounds, but it saved my eyesight. I have done all the usual things but I cannot get back to a decent weight, and now I have more understanding for fat people. It sucks being fat...and there is probably something I could do to lose the weight but it's not easy because my set point (normal weight) has changed and I'm 58 freaking years old.

If you want your wife to love you when you are 58 years old you should do whatever you can to help her get moving. It is normal for women to gain weight after having kids. It's genetically predispositioned so that she will be able to take care of her children. If God or Mother Nature hadn't made these things happen, the human species wouldn't exist. Go have sex with yourself if you are not attracted to your wife. If you have no children, maybe you should ask yourself if this is the right person for you.

It's quite pathetic that the wife lost the weight only after the divorce. If she had lost the weight earlier.....she could have SAVED the marriage. I guess it was a question of motivation.

Well, unless the wife was force-fed, she was the one who determined what went into her mouth. She was the one who determined whether or not she would be fat or thin.

However, a woman in a toxic environment (sorry for my Dr-Phil-ism) is stressed out to the max and she will be more likely to do whatever it is to make herself feel better. Eating is better than becoming an alcoholic. Or becoming a drug addict. Or going out to clubs to cheat on her husband.

The main difference is that over-eating is in-your-face obvious. It shows. It can't be hidden. It sounds like she was married to the wrong man (for her) and it's sad that the kids went through the divorce. But, if your wife is extremely overweight, you might try listening to her to see if you can find the underlying problem that is forcing her to self-medicate with food.

Listening to your wife is cheaper than a divorce, guys! Give it a try.

i want fat arab ladies
iam from etiopia

My wife and I have been together 8 years now.. she has gained about 60lb since we met (no children).. we split up about 2 years ago because as she put it..
'we just became friends" - no intimacy. I explained that she had gained so much weight that I wasn't sexually attracted anymore. After we seperated she bought all the excercise equipment and started exercising and eating right.. she lost about 30lb and I thought she was making an effort. We eventually got back together and she moved back in - then immediately threw all the excercise equipment in the back room and went back to her old ways. Needless to say we haven't had sex in over a year because she stacked the weight back on and I'm just not attracted to 210lb ladies. She's also very quick to say how I don't touch her anymore. Of course this is all my fault.

Women, please lose some weight and take care of yourselves. I've been married to the same man for almost 25 years and our sex lives happens to be incredible. We enjoy each other just about every night, sometimes even a few times a day. I never heard of going so long without some lovin'? How odd. I had no idea. All I know is, I exercise, I eat right and I workout. Don't be a lazy, fat individual. Get up and do something. I'd be grossed out if my husband gained 100 pounds too. I'd still love him, but gosh, pick up your butts and work out. I wear a size 2, and dress up in sexy outfits for my husband sometimes. We really love each other. I love him so much, I want to stay healthy and sexy for him. If you really love your man, you'd pick up your fat behind and take care of yourself. It's the least you can do.

Thank you for this story. I married a man who was overweight. He was 250 pounds. I struggled with anorexia and was under 130. I got help. We had four daughters. My weight ballooned to 175 pounds. He became distant. We started sleeping apart. When I got back down to 150 pounds, he started to take a sexual interest in me again.

Here's the rub. His weight has steadily increased. He is now 500 pounds and I'm beginning to worry about his health.

It is certainly a different world for women than men. I applaud the author for putting her needs first. Good for her!

Guest,

Wow, I'm fairly open-minded about a man's looks, however I don't know how happy I would be if I were married to a man who was 500 lbs. Has he looked into having his stomach stapled or whatever surgical procedure is common these days? (After writing this article, I had to take several courses of prednisone, which caused me to gain 30 lbs...the weight was supposed to come off after finishing the medication, but it didn't. So, I know how hard it is to lose weight once your body becomes used to a different set point.)

Well, I don't know how you do it...you either love him very much or you have a large insurance policy on him. I would march your husband down to a specialist and find the magic bullet. 250 isn't that bad, but 500...it would be impossible to have a normal life.

And, I'm sure no man would put up with a woman who was 500 lbs. There is a double standard, indeed.

i think a better explanation to the loss of weight and increase in exercise was that she felt lonely (and as stated, her affect was that she thought she needed to pursue to be in a relationship). So there was a driving force to lose weight - nice to see women only lose weight if it benefits them and not their lover

i think a better explanation to the loss of weight and increase in exercise was that she felt lonely (and as stated, her affect was that she thought she needed to pursue to be in a relationship). So there was a driving force to lose weight - nice to see women only lose weight if it benefits them and not their lover

Well, you know, losing weight and keeping it off is a very complicated issue. It doesn't sound like that woman's first marriage was going to last anyway. Her husband sounds like a jerk...well...I only read one side of the story. It wasn't my interview, it was something written up in a magazine. All I know is that it's very easy to gain weight when you're always making something to feed little kids and you spend so much time at home taking care of them.

I'm ALWAYS heartbroken when I hear about divorce when there are children involved. It's so much better to break up before you get to that point...but I am happy that the woman in the story found someone who loves her as she is. Not very many women get skinnier over time. However, I am sad for her children.

I'm not going to say that the woman was right to get divorced, but no one asked me...and I didn't hear both sides of the issue. I'm just trying to let women know that they are not the only ones with husbands who give them a hard time about weight. And, I'm hoping that husbands will stop harping on their wives for gaining 10-20 pounds. A hundred pounds overweight...that's a different issue...and it's a health issue. If everyone would treat their spouses with more kindness, there would be less divorces.

Here is yet another article that makes weight gain the fault of someone else. Articles like this are there to tell you that whatever is wrong with you, "it's not your fault," "none of it." Since this magazine's core audience is stay-at-home housewives, the article can't alienate its readers. It caters to the feminist fantasy that women have no short comings, and if they do they are all the result of what some "mean ol' man" did to you.

So you can't back away from the table (he's emotionally unavailable), lose pregnancy weight (he puts too much pressure on you to diet and exercise), or you gain obscene amounts of weight (love should be unconditional). Not a mention of women's behavior and the consequences of their actions on their health, kids or marriage.

Marriage definitely has conditions. If you don't think so, stop by family court one evening and check out the abusers, whore-mongers, cheaters, deserters, batterers and deadbeats (of both genders). Drink, smoke, use drugs, or eat yourself into bad health and you dodge responsibility if it's all "his fault."

Andrea Yates drowned all 5 of her kids in TX and they essentially allowed a defense partially based on the drownings being the husbands fault for making her pregnant and ignoring the fact that she was under stress. I am sure TX has lot of men on death row who were under stress from a woman before they committed crimes, but that won't keep them from the injection --- but a woman? That is the place this article comes from.

Take responsibility for your health, appearance and marriage! When a man stops taking responsibility, you know this magazine and other media aimed at women will surely hold him accountable -- women should be no different.

The wife was responsible for her weight gain. Her husband was responsible for being a jerk. The kids are the losers. I'm not sure that people who have never been pregnant should judge people who have been pregnant.