It takes a while for a joint custody child get used to two homes. There are steps that parents can take to help kids with this big change. Helping children of divorce feel safe and secure in a new neighborhood is crucial to making joint parenting work.
Children of Divorce and a New Neighborhood
When a joint custody child moves into a new home, even if it’s just for weekends, his or her parent should take the child out into the new neighborhood so that he or she learns the unfamiliar territory. Children with two homes need some bearings when they are out in a new area, just like they need to know where the cereal is kept in the new home
A Walking Tour of the New Area for a Joint Custody Child
Exploring and getting used to a new neighborhood is a step that parents often overlook. Of course, this activity should be adjusted to make it age-appropriate for the joint custody child.
- Look for landmarks, like parks, stores, unique buildings or houses, schools, streets, and anything that might stand out in a child’s mind. This will work better if the parent has the lay of the land beforehand, but this is not a necessity.
- Learn the names of the streets and make a map. Point out especially busy streets which should be avoided.
- Try to meet some neighbors, so the child will have a built-in neighborhood watch. Also ask if there are any kids in the area.
- Walk the routes to school, the playground, stores, or anyplace a child has permission to visit, then make map of the new neighborhood.
- Make an appointment to visit the school, if appropriate.
Take Time to Explore and Allow Kids Get Used to Two Homes
This will take at least an hour and should not be rushed. And, it’s not a time for mom or dad to dictate orders or lecture. The walking tour should be a fun experience for a parent and child to bond and explore. Moms and dads might try to see things through a child’s eyes, while letting children come up with their own landmarks. This walking tour is about helping children feel safe and loved, and should be undertaken by a parent not a baby sitter.
Helping Children of Divorce Feel Safe and Secure
Make sure that every child knows his or her first and last name, the new address(es), and new phone number(s). It might, also, be a good idea to put children’s names, phone numbers, and addresses of the two homes on the inside of a jacket or backpack. Parents can just write this on some masking tape.
- Try to find a neighbor or neighboring parent where kids can go for help.
- Show the boundaries for roaming without an adult. Kids should know how far they can go, and when they should turn back.
- Explain that children shouldn’t take shortcuts and need to stay on the main roads.
- If there is a store or fast food joint where a child might go with other kids, try to meet the owner or some employees and get their business phone number. If the children don’t come back on time, this will make it easy to check things out.
A leisurely walking tour of a new neighborhood may seem excessive to some hurried and frazzled divorced parents, but it is a good way of helping children feel safe and secure. It’s also a good bonding experience.
It can be hard for a joint custody child to get used to living in two homes, but with a little time, planning, and information, this big jolt can become a smooth transition. Helping children of divorce feel safe and secure is good for the parents as well as the children. Some kids need more help than others, but eventually, all children can learn to love their new neighborhoods.
Information from this article is not intended to be a substitute for advice from a lawyer, financial planner, therapist, or other professional. Please consult a lawyer or other professional for specific advice.
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Christina Gregoire - Christina Gregoire writes about divorce, fashion, and baby boomers. Her forte is explaining complex ideas in simple language.
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