Today, I have been searching for some new clothes. And, though I’ve seen many outfits that I love, I’ve also seen a lot of search results that make me go, “Hmmm.” So, I’ve compiled a list of things that I hate to see when I’m trying to find clothing to buy.
I’m not telling you buyers, designers, and webmasters about this stuff in order to make you feel bad. Please, think of this list as the free results of a one-person focus group.
Things That Annoy Me When Searching for a Specific Dress
1. Faux Wrap Dresses: When I enter the keyword phrase “wrap dresses” into a search box, I am looking for a “real” wrap dress. Real wrap dresses are not sewn shut. A “true” wrap dress can be adjusted for a proper fit; a faux wrap dress cannot. While I have many cute mock-wrap dresses, like the ones on the link, sometimes, I really need a dress that changes sizes.
2. Show Me The Right Size: When I do a website search and click a button to specify the size I need, I don’t like to see results that are one size too small. I, once, sat 10 feet from Michelle Obama at a fundraiser. Stop showing her dresses that are one size too small.
3. Non-Stretchy Fabrics: I am more likely to buy a dress that is made from a fabric with stretch. Your internal searches should have search buttons to request items with:
- some Spandex or stretchy knit fabrics
- slip-on designs with no zippers
4. No Info About Length: On many sites it is difficult to know how long a dress or top is. The seller may say that something is 32” but it would be easier if the site said, “Dress falls to mid-calf,” or “Top comes to mid-thigh”.
Clothing That I will Never Buy Online
I’m not quite sure how it happens, but sometimes I see certain photos, keywords, and designs that really turn me off when I’m shopping.
5. Clothing That Looks Bad on the Model: If a piece of clothing doesn’t look good on a 16-Year-Old airbrushed model who is 5’11 and 110 pounds, what is it going to look like on someone like me? Get a better photo or a better dress.
6. Split Neck Collars: Tops and dresses with split necklines are hard to wear. They don’t stay closed; they don’t stay open. And, what kind of necklace can you wear with that neckline?
7. Weird Ruching: Some ruching and draping is flattering. However, I’ve seen ruched dresses and tops that drape in all the wrong places and give the impression of extra rolls of fat or excess skin.
8. Overabundance of Ruffles: Designers have been known to go a little too far with this trend. Sometimes, the dresses look like costumes from Little House on the Prairie or Ringling Brothers. This is Middle America, not a catwalk.
9. Short Sleeves: T-shirt tops and dresses with short sleeves make women look like they are caught in a time warp. And, I’m not talking about Rocky Horror. I’m thinking of elementary school horror.
10. Sheaths and More Sheaths: Just because Michelle Obama likes sheaths doesn’t mean that everyone else suddenly looks good in them. Try to picture Mae West in a sheath.
Fabrics That Can Be Difficult for Women Over 40
When shopping for clothing online, I look for stretchy clothes. A matte jersey dress or sweater coat will fit and flatter most shoppers. Here are things I avoid:
11. Taffeta: Dresses made of taffeta only look good on women who are 6 feet tall and Swedish. Even then taffeta can be tricky. While good for once-in-a-lifetime occasions, taffeta often requires several fittings.
12. Shiny Jersey or Velvet. If I want to highlight my fat bulges, I can just throw away my Spanx. What sadistic designer thinks that women over 15 want to add shine to highlight their bulges? Use matte fabric. Shiny is tacky.
13. Non-Wrinkle Fabric: Most normal women want clothing that is wrinkle-free. No female wants to have her linen-clad butt covered in wrinkles.
Details I Avoid When Buying Pants
Common items that make no sense:
14. Drawstrings on Waistbands: Many lovely summer skirts and jogging exercise pants are secured with a tie that sits in the worst possible place. You can’t pull a T-shirt over the drawstring bow because the bumps will show through in a weird way. If you tuck your top in, all eyes are drawn to your imperfect tummy.
15. Denim jeans with menswear fly: Levi Strauss must have figured out that men wanted a front opening (zip or button fly) for convenient nature calls, but for women, there’s no point. On women, this design just adds bulk and bumps like a drawstring waist. Zippers on women’s jeans should be on the side or the back for a sleek silhouette.
16. Cropped Pants: Cropped jeans and trousers look good on very few women. Women who don’t believe this can roll up their jeans (if they are tall and willowy) or learn how to use a pair of scissors.
How Big Is That Handbag?
Here are things that a website should explain about the handbags they sell.
17. Size of the Purse: It’s nice to know that a purse is 15 inches wide, 8 inches high, and 5 inches deep, with a strap length of 22 inches. However, it would be much easier for women to purchase a handbag if there were a photo of an average sized woman with the bag slung over her shoulder, carried on her forearm, or tucked under her arm. Some sites have this, but every site that wants my business should give me some idea of the spatial relationship.
18. How Much Does it Weigh? It’s imperative for a woman traveler (or a transit commuter) to know how much a bag weighs when empty, especially if it has charms. Again, sites like Zappos.com are good about this. By the way, tell us how much those platform shoes weigh, too.
What Was That Designer Thinking?
Sometimes a buyer orders clothing made of strange or unflattering patterns.
19. Ugly Colors: Some ugly color combinations won’t look good on anyone. Webmasters: If you see an outfit in a bad pattern on your website, hide it on page 10. Most women use their first impressions to decide if your website is tasteful or terrible.
20: Black and White Patterns: I readily admit that I am biased on this issue, and the suitability of a black-and-white graphic print fabric has a lot to do with the scale of the pattern. Most of the time, only dark-haired women look good in this material. Give me a beautiful teal or cobalt to make me drool.
I'm not sure that all women would agree with every one of these statements, but I firmly believe in the seduction and ease of online shopping. Give me something worth buying.
21: If you are a clothing manufacturer, designer, or buyer for an online store, please scroll down to read the comments below.
Christina Gregoire - Christina Gregoire writes about divorce, fashion, and baby boomers. Her forte is explaining complex ideas in simple language.
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